The chupacabra myth: exposed!

Since last summer the small town of Cuero, Texas has been the epicenter of one of the Internet’s favorite points of discussion: chupacabras. In July, a motorist plowed into a hairless purple-hued doglike creature that fits the rough physical description of what the southwest’s most beloved cryptid would actually look like, leaving many people to speculate—sometimes wildly—about the lineage of the unfortunate roadkill.

Phylis Canion, on whose property it expired, decided to find out just what the hell this creature was that, true to chupacabra legend, had been sucking the blood out of all her chickens. So in conjunction with a local news station, she sent DNA samples to Texas State University for further elaboration. The answer she received was far from earth-shattering. It belongs to the coyote family, quoth the lab.

Chagrined at such a vague explanation, Canion gathered tooth and tissue samples and shipped them off to the University of California Davis for further elaboration. Cuero was abuzz with chupacabramania, and Canion finally had a physical specimen of the possibly supernatural creature that had tormented area ranchers for years. The carcass also afforded her a nice little income stream: since July she’d made such a good profit selling commemorative goatsucker T-shirts that she’s had to take legal action against eBay copycats.

Well the results are in (may need password), and it appears to be your garden variety desert mutt. Evidently the beast gets the coyote genes from mom, while on its paternal side Mexican wolf blood pumps proudly through its veins. More tests are in store to determine why the thing is purple, hairless, and seems to crave blood. Stay tuned!