Some of us just can't get any satisfaction out of life, so we do it by blasting 8-year-olds in online FPS games like Halo, Team Fortress, or Call of Duty. Problem is, those little bastards are getting pretty good. What's an older gamer to do when he feels his reflexes aren't as quick as they should be? Why swallow a pill of course!
Just like any other modern malady, shite gaming can be treated with meds — or so claim the makers of FpsBrain, the first performance-enhancing pill for gamers. The German-made product claims to provide a “remarkable increase in perception and reaction capacities,” and to "enhance their mental performance and their work efficieny [sic],” and it's backed by a “a 110% money-back guarantee.” Sounds like I can use this for a lot of things other than blasting aliens. What's to lose?
Luckily, MTV's Gaming blog enlisted registered dietitian Danielle Marzano of the Sysosset Health & Wellness Center to check out the ingredients listed on the FpsBrain website. Before you down that pill with a full can of Red Bull or Rockstar energy drink, there's a few things you should know.
It's loaded with L-tyrosine, amino acids and Vitamin B6, which could result in "stimulate your muscles, heighten your awareness, decrease your reaction time and ease the body under stressful conditions." But most of these ingredients are available from a well-balanced diet, and if you combine the pills with energy drinks (which is common practice among unhealthy gamers on a late-night strafing run), you could see some ill effects:
"In addition to caffeine, most...[energy] drinks contain a high sugar content. In combination these ingredients can cause a rush that will eventually come crashing down. Those sensitive to caffeine may even become dizzy and shaky. Taking this pill with an energy drink or taking more than the recommended dosage may cause these effects."
That sounds like a bad recipe for steadying your sniper aim to me. FpsBrain is only available in Germany currently, but the manufacturers are "in talks" with the FDA to bring it to other markets, including the U.S. “FpsBrain is not only good for gaming. It is also good for every [type of] work where you have to concentrate,” said FpsBrain CEO Thomas Straßburg. He also noted that he takes it every day.
Me, I think I'll stick to tangy, salty Brawndo for now.
Previously:
Discovery Channel to make video games; Industry vets: 'Pwned u, n00b!'
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