Some of us just can't get any satisfaction out of life, so we do it by blasting 8-year-olds in online FPS games like Halo, Team Fortress, or Call of Duty. Problem is, those little bastards are getting pretty good. What's an older gamer to do when he feels his reflexes aren't as quick as they should be? Why swallow a pill of course!
Just like any other modern malady, shite gaming can be treated with meds — or so claim the makers of FpsBrain, the first performance-enhancing pill for gamers. The German-made product claims to provide a “remarkable increase in perception and reaction capacities,” and to "enhance their mental performance and their work efficieny [sic],” and it's backed by a “a 110% money-back guarantee.” Sounds like I can use this for a lot of things other than blasting aliens. What's to lose?
Anyone see that movie Idiocracy? Where Luke Wilson gets cryo-frozen and wakes up in a future where marketing has turned everyone into dolts, kind of like a reverse Flynn Effect?
Anyway, one of the film's funniest running gags involved an imaginary sports drink called Brawndo ("The Thirst Mutilator"), whose marketing campaign causes a famine because the idiots in charge have been watering the nation's crops with it. Why? "It's got electrolytes! It's what plants crave!"
Well now they're selling Brawndo for real. With the exact same hilariously idiotic, science-mutilating tag line.
A study conducted by Wake Forest University School of Medicine found that college students who mix "energy drinks" with alcohol are twice as likely to get hurt, require medical attention, ride with a drunk driver, take advantage or be taken advantage of someone sexually as compared to those who did not mix the liquid stimulates with alcohol.
Some of us just can't get any satisfaction out of life, so we do it by blasting 8-year-olds in online FPS games like Halo, Team Fortress, or Call of Duty. Problem is, those little bastards are getting pretty good. What's an older gamer to do when he feels his reflexes aren't as quick as they should be? Why swallow a pill of course!
